Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
