theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
