Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
