The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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