No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize