I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
