Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
