So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
