Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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