your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
