It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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