Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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