Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
from now on my penis is your penis
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
