You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
