All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
