Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
