i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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