Already got asked if we're dating
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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