considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I need a burrito and a hug.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
