Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
