I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
