I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
