Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
