i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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