Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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