Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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