remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
