he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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