I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
