I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He? As in you personified your dick?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
