Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize