yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
