i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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