yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
