it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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