Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
