What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
