my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
NoShamevember. You game?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
