Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
