New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
how does that bad decision feel?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
