you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
