my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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