I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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