she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize