I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize