ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
