areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
