I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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