i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
