is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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