i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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