I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
