I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
