Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
