He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
