i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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