I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
