3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
