I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
