went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
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