cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My vagina just clenched in fear
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